im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
