do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
