My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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