I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
