why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
