I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he fucked my hip out of place.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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