I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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