He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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