All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
