The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize