you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize