i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i drank out of a bidet.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
