I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
