his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can feel your judgement through the phone
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
