Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
