The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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