i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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