i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
