I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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