How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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