Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
