i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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