Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
