Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
