Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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