suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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