on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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