The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
