I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
