I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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