fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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