is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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