I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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