You work out of a Hotel?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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