The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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