I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
