It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
