Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
