I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
either way he was missing a nipple.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
