THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i came on her dog
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
