Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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