He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i drank out of a bidet.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize