drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
