Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize