Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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