I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
