Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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