i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
