i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
