Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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