this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
