Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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