I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
