I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
