evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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