I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
