it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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