He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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