Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
