he shaved USA in his pubs
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
