Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
