thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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