The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
