Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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