i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize