i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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