what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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