when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
wow bdsm is so cute
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
